The Zoom meeting started the way the best ones do: cameras on, banter flowing, human connection happening before the business connection. The vibe was collaborative and light.
Then, the senior leader joined the call.
The shift in atmosphere wasn't gradual; it was visceral. Faces on the screen went stone cold. Laughter stopped mid-sentence. The psychological safety didn't just leave the virtual room; it was sucked out of the airlock.
There was no "hello." There was just an immediate, aggressive demand: "Where is the work I wanted to see?"
What followed over the next thirty minutes was a masterclass in dismantling a high-performing team through intimidation.
The Trade of Reality for Optics
A legitimate flag was raised early on. The scope of work being demanded was massive—far beyond initial estimates. A professional suggestion was made to create a new tracking board to manage the effort sustainably and ensure the team wasn't set up for failure.
The response was immediate dismissal. "I already promised the VPs we are doing it. They are expecting it."
In that moment, operational reality ceased to matter. Team capacity didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was the optical promise made up the chain. When leaders refuse to hear reality because they fear disappointing their own bosses, they guarantee burnout and poor quality.
Public Humiliation as a Tactic
The hardest part to watch was a very senior, incredibly hardworking engineer getting berated publicly over a weeks-old task.
This proud professional was spoken to like a delinquent middle schooler. The silence that followed the dressing-down lasted nearly a full minute while they tried to compose themselves. It was excruciating. And it sent a clear message to everyone else on the call: If this can happen to the best of us, it can happen to you. Stay quiet. Keep your head down.
The Power Play
When data was presented that disproved the leader's assumptions, it wasn't accepted as progress; it was treated as resistance. The goal shifted from understanding status to demanding submission.
The same question was asked repeatedly: "You will do it, no? I want to hear you say you will do it." It was a pure power play designed to break spirit. When frustration was finally shown in return, it was laughed off with a gaslighting comment: "Ha ha, I just like to repeat myself."
The Aftermath
When the meeting ended, the work didn't start. Instead, an entire team of expensive talent spent the next hour regulating their nervous systems, debriefing to validate their sanity, and recovering from the adrenaline spike.
Reflecting and Panic Attacks
I witnessed this specific dynamic last month, which triggered panic attacks in me. It serves as a permanent reminder of a crucial leadership truth:
You cannot scream respect into people. If you have to bully grown adults to get work done, you have already lost. You may get short-term compliance born of fear, but you are actively destroying the trust required for long-term success.
#Leadership #PsychologicalSafety #RemoteWork #Management #WorkCulture
